Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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