So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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