I wish my penis had an off switch
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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