3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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