i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
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