she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
