please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
