oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
