i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
