Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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