Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
