sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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