did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
