Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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