Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
