i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
