Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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