I skipped work to stalk him.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
