He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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