just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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