I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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