Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
