i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
my penis made a compromise with my morals
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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