hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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