Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
