Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
