I could have mohawked her pubes.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
