i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
