6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
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She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
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I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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