She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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