trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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