who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
