We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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