I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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