He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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