so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I still have a little drunk in my system
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
