i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
