Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
