Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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