wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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