Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
