The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
