dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
