In the future we'll all be gay
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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