I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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