Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
my being single is dangerous.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
