I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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