please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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