never play flip cup with pint glasses
why do cheetos always look like penises
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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