I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
