Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize