Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I had to cum in my sink.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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