My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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