So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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