Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
