In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
