i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
