If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize