You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The beer is more important than you right now.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
