hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
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