but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
