she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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