the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
there is puke in my bra ... again
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