Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
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I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
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I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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